


Imparted Glow

by Moontyger



Category: Nana
Genre: 5 Things, F/F, Yuletide, challenge:Yuletide 2008, recipient:bell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-25
Updated: 2008-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-25 15:48:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/272027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moontyger/pseuds/Moontyger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five things that never happened to Nana Komatsu</p>
            </blockquote>





	Imparted Glow

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to Lexie, Voksen, and LilyAyl for their help!

It's her first night in the new apartment, the first night of a new life. She'd been so eager to get here, but right now, Tokyo feels big and cold and Nana thinks she'll never find a place for herself in it. She'd been so determined when she insisted on moving out of Shoji's apartment and becoming independent, and now, she tosses restlessly in a bed that feels huge and lonely and wonders what she'd been thinking.

She can't sleep, so she gets up. Better to do something productive if she's not going to rest. Maybe she can make lists, start working on a plan for the life she wants to build. Nana's scared, but she's never let that stop her before.

She didn't expect to find the other Nana in the kitchen, though, with a cigarette in one hand and her guitar on her lap.

"Did I wake you?" she asks, though she hasn't even touched the strings.

"No. I couldn't sleep."

"Then you might as well come join me."

Nana smiles. "I'll make coffee." She's not smart or a good artist or talented at anything in particular, but she likes being useful, even in such small ways.

They don't get to bed until the sun rises; spend the night giggling and getting to know each other, but Nana sings for her and she doesn't mind much. She hadn't wanted a roommate, but she's glad she has one now. She doesn't like to be alone.

* * *

They're shopping together, buying new things for the apartment. They don't have much money, but Nana finds it hard not to get over-excited and buy too much. She's never had her own things before; it's hard to resist, to avoid trying to build the perfect life she'd dreamed of (or at least the semblance of it) _now_ , instead of being sensible and waiting. As hard to resist as flirting or noticing a cute guy, even though she has a boyfriend she loves. She knows better; she just forgets.

Nana laughs at her. "You're so excitable, Hachi! Just like a little dog, wagging your tail at everything." It should hurt, and it does a little, but somehow the way Nana smiles when she says it takes most of the sting from the words.

Even so, she tries to tone it down after that. She stops calling Nana over to look at things and tries to restrain her tastes. The apartment belongs to both of them; not everything should be the way she would have it.

It's the tumblers with little strawberries on them that she finds hardest to give up. It's such a small thing, but they're so cute and seem like such wonderful symbols of a friendship that is just beginning and still full of promise. Nana picks them up, turns to call out... then looks again at what's in her hands. What was she thinking? Nana's so cool; she'd never want anything girly and cutesy like this. She might indulge her and buy them anyway, but she wouldn't really want them, and she'd probably be right. With a sad little sigh, she swallows her words and puts the glasses down.

* * *

It's been weeks since Hachi has seen Nana and apartment 707 seems to grow colder every day. She tries to avoid spending time there, making up excuses to stay out. She only goes home to sleep, and even then, not every night. It's not hard; she's always been good at hiding from things she doesn't want to face.

It's a surprise when she hears Nana's key in the lock on one of the few nights when she's home early. She hadn't expected it and is unprepared for the way her heart jumps when she sees her. Somehow she seems so much brighter, larger than life. Larger than _her_ life, at least, and more than this apartment can hold. Hachi is struck dumb with shyness, barely able to look at her, much less speak.

"I only came to get a few things," Nana explains, and her red-lipsticked smile hits like a punch in the stomach. Of course, why had she thought otherwise? Why had she even wanted something different? Hachi had wanted Nana and Ren to be together, hadn't she? She shouldn't be so selfish.

She turns to go to her room, head bowed to hide sudden, humiliating tears. Nana doesn't follow and she's relieved, until she hears the door to the apartment close again, signaling a departure that makes her entire body ache.

She should stay inside; she should be resigned and accept that this is how things are. She's always believed that this was how things _should_ be: women can be friends, but they find boyfriends, fall in love, and inevitably separate. It's not something that lasts.

But even as she thinks this, despite still believing it, Hachi is throwing open the door and running after Nana, calling her name. She catches her only two flights down, more nimble in her bare feet than Nana in her boots. She can't hide her tears now and she doesn't even try to explain, falling into Nana's arms. "Please, don't go."

Nana's answering smile makes Hachi's whole world light up. For once, she feels like the star of the movie instead of just an extra, and she dares to think the ending might be happy.

* * *

Hachi is crying again, this time on Nana and Ren's doorstep, pressing the bell over and over and sobbing her heart out. Mascara is running down her face and she knows she is making a complete spectacle of herself, offering herself as fodder for cruel tabloid articles with photographs showing just how horrible she looks when she cries, but she doesn't care. She can't stop and she can't bring herself to leave, to turn around and just go home, even though she knows she should.

"Hachi, dear, what's wrong?" Nana asks when she finally opens the door, hugging her close like she's a hysterical child. It's the only time she's heard Nana sound maternal.

But she doesn't answer, not until she's inside and has had a hot bath. The tears have turned to sniffles by then, though her eyes are swollen and she still feels a mess. Hachi is sipping tea at their kitchen table, wrapped in a big fluffy bathrobe that she can't imagine why Nana owns, the belt tied under the pregnant belly that so often seems to belong to someone else and to have only become attached to her by some mistake, when she finally speaks. It almost feels like home again, like she's back in apartment 707 and it's their first night together, with a great future still ahead of them, a future that could have been anything.

"I've left him," she begins. "I've left Takumi - just walked out the door without even a note. I can't do this." Her arms cross protectively over her stomach, but Hachi can no longer remember why that had seemed like a good enough reason. He had never loved her and she had never truly loved him, either; when had she given up her romantic dreams and decided to settle for practicality?

She doesn't offer an explanation and Nana doesn't ask for one, not then. "Are you sure?"

Hachi nods, though her stomach clenches and roils and she wonders if she's going to be sick again. She'd dreamed of making a life for herself, but she'd failed so badly at it. What makes her think she can make a life for someone else, too? But she's so tired of pretending, of trying and trying and knowing she'll never make either of them happy. It's better this way, isn't it?

"Then I'll help you." Nana reaches across the table and takes her hand, strokes it with callused fingers. "What are friends for?"

* * *

They're shopping together again, more supplies for yet another new life, if not quite the one Hachi had expected when she'd come to Tokyo. She feels tired and bloated and can barely waddle around the store, but Nana's taste in baby clothes always makes her smile. "I'll have the most punk baby in Tokyo," she jokes, and it feels good to hear the answering husky laugh. She no longer feels like she's making fun of her when she laughs, even if she knows she'll still never be as cool as Nana.

"I'll write her a song, too," Nana promises. "A Nana Osaki original, just for her. And I'll play it for her every night."

She can feel people staring at the two women picking out baby clothes and laughing together, but she doesn't mind. They're smiling, too, and, even if it's only because they don't know what she's done, even though she knows their expressions would change if they knew she was a woman who'd walked out on her wealthy husband for no good reason, she feels only goodwill from their attention. All the world feels warm and, despite the discomforts of pregnancy, she feels suffused with a golden light, as though she were at last part of that magic inner circle she'd been chasing for so long, as though some of that glow has finally rubbed off on her. Maybe it's just the sunlight on her face as they start the walk home, but Hachi thinks it feels like hope.

  



End file.
